Story: Toto Pass Toto - S01 E40

Story 4 years ago

Story: Toto Pass Toto - S01 E40

Me: erm… erm… erm..I start scratching my head

Abigail: which one is erm.. erm.., is erm.. erm.. the answer to what I asked?she twist her face in a funny way

Me: I start laughing guess… this girl sabi ask jamb questions

Abigail: I shou… her phone start ringing, she check on it Sweet, emergency, I have to go.

Me: no na, darling I want you to stay with me please do, biko

Abigail: I should ignore my boss for you? I will do it if that is what you want.

Me: you sef ehn.. You can be unromantic sometime, we will see when you are free, don’t work and forget my birthday oh!

Abigail: never, I will buy you moimoi as your birthday gift she start laughing

Me: stop that! is not funny!! I fume pretentiously

Abigail: sure sir! she salute, and we both start laughing Her phone rang again she pecked me and hurried off promising to call later, I exhaled the breathe of uneasiness I was holding.

Abigail eyes were piercing through my body to my soul,I have never in my life ran out of lies the way I did. I entered my car and drove out with the thought of arranging a super good lie, I went to Biggy’s house and met Biggy with Victory waiting impatiently, with Albino sitting on my twin brother laps.

Biggy: na wa oh, we don wait tire, the flexing don loose taste sef.

Me: since em don sour, my carry am go back?

Victory: no think am…

Biggy: sha… We dey chop sour soup for Naija, after adding oil and maggi.

Albino: I cannot wait to chew chicken and shake my bumbum.

Me: no be chicken you dey anticipate to chew oh, na money. So calm down.

Biggy: we dey waste time, make we dey go.

We went out together, as Victory and Albino were busy doing lovey-dovey behind us. Biggy was moving very fast, I observed hunger is the reason for it.

Me: no be eatery we dey go oh! he turn

Biggy: na where we dey go?

Me: bar, I resemble your father. No think am oh, I nodeycraze carry you go where you go eat oh!

Biggy: shey na hotel at least, make we faggy am well.

Me: which hotel? I resemble Dangote? Guy, calm down oh! Na local bar.

Biggy: your father be wan call you Stingy but one Village elder confuse am, half bread is better than none.

Me: em be like na half bottle of beer you go drink oh.

Biggy: make ona stop all these love put legs for ground,before your brother go change mind.

Albino: baby, someone is jealous.

Biggy: for your BB?

Victory: wetin be BB? No mistake me for your grand father oh.

Abigail: he is jealous of your cuteness baby.

Biggy: you and your broke boyfriend waka na, we go leave ona go oh!We all took our seats in the car, Biggy sat on the front with me while the two lovebirds sat at the back, acting like we are their drivers,I got a glimpse of the watch my brother was wearing and realised I am the rightful owner.

Biggy: start this car, or you go waste time for driving school?Me: my watch first.

Biggy: old woman piss for your eyes, where you see your watch for my hand?

Me: na my brother dey wear am.

Biggy: ooohhh! Ona go come down oh!! Victory, give am em watch make we proceed na!!!

Albino: baby, I thought you said you are the owner of the watch you are wearing ehnn.. My watch, wonderful!, you don’t mean it!!

Victory: is me na, they are just firing catapult of envy, let me just dash them so that they will leave us alone to enjoy.

Biggy: dey there, dey deceive yourself and heavenly blessings.I took my watch and wore it, it felt good like the way prodigal father felt when his son returned, I ignite the engine and we set out on our way.

Biggy was pointing all parts of the widescreen, giving me directions and pointing to bars we should stop. I rejected them all, I settled with the one that things will be less expensive.

Biggy: na shrine or bar be this?

Me: are we joking here, na here my money fit afford.

We did not observe the back seat, the two lovebirds were pleasuring each other, without us knowing.

Me: make my car no smell oh! Ona go wash car till ona separate Paul from Barnabas.

Albino: are we there?

Me: no oh! We are here, make ona two come down. I could not stop laughing in my mind with the way they were reacting when they saw the bar, I find it some days ago while I was coming out of Tracy prison, I guessed everything will be cheap ’cause it is in a remote part of the City.

Were people hardly have money to spend on leisure, the owner of the shop which was a woman was smiling like she saw a Messiah when we entered her bar.

Old songs were playing from the speaker, the ones that were trending when I was still struggling to crawl. And the design was really local, with flowers positioned in the corners. I was intrigue by their reactions, I took my seat a plastic chair.

Me: order! The bills is on me, do you know a secret, am a rich nigga.

Biggy: madam, which type of pepper soup you get?

Madam: goat meat pepper soup, and ishi ewu pepper soup dey.

Biggy: two plates of goat meat pepper soup, you get fufu bah?

Madam: which type of fufu you dey fine, soft one or strong one.

Biggy: soft one, bring one bottle of water and two bottles of beer, my use am digest the food.

Me: na for which belle you wan put all those things youdey call?

Biggy: my own, or em complain to you?

Madam: oga na all? You no go add am small cow meats to finish work?

Biggy: you sabi, add am abeg.

Madam: shey na marching ground you dey like?

Biggy: you go the school of goat meat.

Madam: na my work be that, fine girl. You and your boyfriend no go collect something? I eye the woman

Albino: I wa…

Victory: just get us five bottles of beer, and two plates of goat meat pepper soup after he was done, he cross his hand on Albino’s shoulder. Like he is the one paying

Me: all the heaven and Earth you mention, na just?

Madam: oga kpatakpata, wetin you go collect?

Me: I don lose my appetite, bring pure water for me.

Madam: oga fine am oh, life short oh! Enjoy yourself.

She brought all their orders and served me sachet of pure, Biggy was consuming what he ordered like he has not tasted delicious meal as such like that.

Albino and Victory were eating and laughing to God knows what kind of joke my twin brother was cracking, mere watching Biggy it made me salivate.

My stomach grumbled and I had no choice but to place an order…

Me: madam, one bottle of beer.

Madam: I dey bring am come.

Me: she drop it on the table before me yowa! This one cold well well..

Madam: my bring a plate of goat meat pepper soup, add for more you know?

Me: yes, rush go bring. I opened the bottle of beer and started consuming, it occur to me we didn’t ask of the price of what we are were consuming. She walked to my table with the plate of goat meat pepper soup in hand…

Me: madam, so a plate na how much?

Madam: one thousand naira the beer in my mouth become so bitter that I have to spill it

Me: one wetin?